i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
