i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the liver wants what the liver wants
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I love you.
Bad choice
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
