$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
