Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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