he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
