if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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