it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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