He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
