Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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