just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The adults are the big ones right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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