so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
should my penis look like a turkey
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
