Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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