I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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