If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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