you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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