i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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