If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
