If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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