I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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