If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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