It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
