there was a trapeze. enough said
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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