So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
