Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
