4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.