worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.