Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake