new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.