I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy