you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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