k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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