It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want