Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.