I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
