U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
