its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
