well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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