i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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