then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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