just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
