And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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