he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
