I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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