around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Less talking, more tequila
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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