ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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