Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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