just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
