and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
