Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize