found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
