I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His nipple licking is glorious
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