I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it hurts more in the daytime
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
