my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
