the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this just has baby written all over it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
