yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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