Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My penis needs a shock collar
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
