There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
