help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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