She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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