I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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