i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
