hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
