Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i barfeds in our rink
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
