No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
