Duck Duck Cougar?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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