Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
