I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
