I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
