You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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