So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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