I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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