Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
