i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
