I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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