Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
