wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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