So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
