can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
