I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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