Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
