if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
