If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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