My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
