i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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